Don't Panic! #Personal

Hey!

I'm entering my second year of uni on Monday and as per usual I'm panicking about it. I've recently been having a few mood swings and I'm starting to feel a bit more anxious because of going back to uni. Don't get me wrong I really love my university and the course I'm doing but little doubts always creep up on me and have a bigger effect on my mood than they honestly should have. Things like, 'Am I good enough for this course?' 'Will I pass second year?' 'Will I get a place at a Japanese uni for third year?' 'Will I make any friends abroad?' 'I don't have a social life.' 'I don't have time for a social life I need to study!' etc it never ends. 

Aside from studies I panic about my personal life and what I'm going to do with my life. For the first time I have attainable goals. For a while I just dreamt of what I was going to do in the future and it all seemed pretty hopeless and I felt I couldn't do it. I'm very scared of the unknown and not being in control. My reaction to any difficult situation is to sit and over think it until I'm stressed out of my mind and have developed a migraine. Not good, clearly. It affects my mental and physical health, sometimes my muscles freeze up and I can't move or breath so it's pretty scary. 

This tale of woe does have a positive twist though do not fear! I used to bottle up a lot of feelings and it's really not the best idea. I just thought I'd be a burden to people because we all know everyone has their own shit to deal with and you don't want to be that person. But I did find the courage to tell a few people and I felt better while they reassured me it's not a problem to talk about this stuff with them and it honestly made me feel so at ease. While I'm still not 100% okay with talking to people about stuff I'm feeling at least I know I'm not completely alone. I guess I also feel at a loss and alone also because for the first time in forever I don't have that special someone to be a complete princess bitch to and just annoy them with all the girly feelings I have. 

My advice to anyone reading this is that we're all human! We all have feelings and problems and it really really really helps to talk to someone whether it be a family member or close friend because they'll care and want to understand and most importantly help. This is way better than sitting in your room listening to Lana Del Rey with a tear silently running down your cheek. However much you want to romanticise sadness and depression, just don't. Don't seclude yourself. Go and do something about it and don't wallow in self pity, it's not healthy. I try to sleep off the sadness sometimes but it always comes back in the morning. Just surround yourself with positive things and think positively, it sounds so cliché but it works. The only person that can change your negative thoughts is you so the person making the most effort has to be you and you have to be willing to change your attitude. I also find if you distract yourself with activities you'll feel better. Take up some sort of hobby, a sport or go out with friends. Anything to keep you out of your own mind because that's when the malicious thoughts come back.

Many of us feel at a loss when it comes our future but don't stress about it because it will sort itself out, time is always on your side and panicking about anything never ever helps. There will be a solution to your problem. 

Otherwise you'll end up with an internal struggle of feeling sad but not knowing what to do with yourself as depicted by AJ Lee and CM Punk below. 

Alternatively avoid talking to anyone that reacts like CM Punk when you burst into tears.

So that was my little outburst of emotion, triggered by university and just life in general. This is probably going to be me for the rest of the year. 

Insane. 

I leave you with this message.

'So far, so good.'

Choom xoxo